Business Connections

The Importance of Business Connections

Hi everybody, welcome back to my busy business blog. I recently got back from a business trip that had me spending quite of lot of time travelling through some pacific rim countries and it was amazing. This trip really showed me how important connections in the business world can be. I had recently bought an Omega Seamaster online at  that I was wearing everywhere with me and it seemed to catch the eyes of quite a few pretty lady (that is exactly how you ruin a honey moon Michelle) but it also seemed to catch the eye of someone a little more important, at least in the Pirate world.

omega seamaster300 

Whore Island

After attending a couple of meetings near this place that a my mother calls “Whore Island” (I’m still hoping this is a real place) I had decided to stick around for a bit and experience the sights. The sandy white beaches, fruit lined tree, and tons of beautiful women. I managed to pick up a job tending a local bar, and supplemented the shitty income (seriously, how does anyone live like that) by banging newlyweds and making off with the now useless wedding gifts. One day, after sneaking out of someones room while her recently married husband was out playing 36 holes of golf( again, seriously?) I was stopped by this rather large looking man with an eye patch smoking a cigar. I fumbled over my words initially but after realizing he wasn't A) Her husband or B) One of my dickhead bosses I didn’t really care much for him, until he called my name. Although I was pretending that it wasn’t my name but doing that rather badly I may add. It turns out this man was sent by my mother to track me down and bring me home (I didn't think it had been that long) to which I replied, “You think so?” before breaking my champagne bottle over this mans face. He didn't appreciate this.

sky captain of yesteryear

A Ruse

Now I don't know if this guy was just upset about the the marmite shortage or if the champagne bottle really did hurt that bad, but this guy was pissed. I awoke several hours later, tied up and in the co-pilot seat of a plane from the set of Aviator. Seriously, if this guy had an image it was 'Sky Captain of Yesteryear'. Anyways, I was not happy about this guy taking me back to Mother one bit. I was just trying to mourn my super hot Russian fiance who was murdered in front of me, but fiiiine. So we are sitting in this old plane, I am being the bigger man and letting by gones be gone, by the way side and all that but Mr. SkyCaptain said he isn't there yet. Whatever. I need to use the toilet but he doesn't want to let me until I remind him of the rum and mango diet I have been on for months. Mr. SkyCaptain lead me to the bathroom, insisting that this is some kind of ruse (rrrring rrrring, hello this is the 1930's. We would like our clothes and words and shitty airplane back, oh and watch out for that Adolf Hitler, he's a bad egg.) After doing my business (and putting a little ruse of my own in the sink) I somehow got the door stuck, and miraculously opened it right into the nose of my captor. I then tied him up to sit in the co-pilots seat while I made a drink.

middle of the ocean

Saved by the connections

After having 5 or 6 drinks (or 7 or 8) SkyCaptain woke up, and seemed very upset that no one was flying the plane even though he had put it on autopilot before being knocked unconscious. I thought this was good enough, but apparently autopilot does not land the plane on the only airstrip within 1000 miles (who am I, Christian Hulsmeyer?). This meant that we would start crashing in about 30 seconds. We crashed into what I later found out was literally the middle of the pacific ocean and with my quick sinking was able to save myself and SkyCaptain from as Shark as well as inflated our raft and bandage this old guys head wound. I thought as a little treat for all these good deeds I should have a little snack so I had a couple of the chocolate bar things that come with a  survival pack. ( Note: This should never be done as they taste terrible and you will throw most of it up. Trust me.) After floating around on this stupid raft for what felt like forever, we finally got picked up; BY PIRATES! I was so excited, even though I was told they weren’t the fun kind. I was eventually able to use my business connections to my families splash-less urinal cake empire to take over the pirate fortress, but that's a story for another time.